Marketing terms

MARKETING TERMS

>> > >> > You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
>> > You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
>> > That's Direct Marketing.

>> > >> > You'e at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
>> > One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
>> > "He's very rich. Marry him."
>> > That's Advertising.

>> > >> > You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
>> > You go up to her and get her telephone number.
>> > The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
>> > That's Telemarketing.

>> > >> > You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
>> > You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a
>> > drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it,
>> > offer >> > her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry
>> > me?"
>> > That's Public Relations.

>> > >> > You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
>> > She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich.."
>> > That's Brand Recognition.

>> > >> > You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
>> > You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
>> > She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
>> > That's Customer Feedback !!!!!

Don't miss this #####

There is a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent - Don't miss the last one. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
---------------------------------------------
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?
A: Gucci sweat-shirt and Reeboks.
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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
---------------------------------------------
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
------------------------ ---------------------
Q How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: By whose death was it terminated?
---------------------------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female? ---------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. --------------------------------------------
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
--------------------------------------------
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him. ---------------------------------------------
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when ! h e woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you? <>
A: My name is Susan.
--------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere...

Commonly used phrases in office !!!!

Commonly Used Phrases at the Office and... What they really mean!

> 1) For your information, please. (FYI)
> We don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.

> > 2) Noted and returned.
> We don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.

> > 3) Review and comment.
> Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.

> > 4) Action please.
> Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.

> > 5) For your necessary action.
> It's your headache now.

> > 6) Copy to.
> Here's a share of the headache.

> > 7) For your approval, please.
> Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.

> > 8) Action is being taken.
> Your correspondence is lost and we are still trying to locate it.

> > 9) Your letter is receiving our attention.
> We are still trying to figure out what you want.

> > 10) Please discuss.
> I don't know what the "f***" this is, so please brief me.

> > 11) For your immediate action.
> Do it NOW! Or we'll all get into trouble.

> > 12) Please reply soon.
> Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.

> > 13) We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant
> authorities.
> They are causing the delay, not us.

> > 14) Regards.
> Thanks for reading all the bullshit.

HE Vs SHE

>

> How the company views its employees.

> (HE v/s SHE)

>

>

> The family picture is on HIS desk.

> Ah, a solid, responsible family man.

> The family picture is on HER desk.

> Umm, her family will come before her career.

>

>

> HIS desk is cluttered.

> He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.

> HER desk is cluttered.

> She's obviously a disorganized scatterbrain.

>

>

> HE is talking with his co-workers.

> He must be discussing the latest deal.

> SHE is talking with her co-workers.

> She must be gossiping.

>

>

> HE's not at his desk.

> He must be at a meeting.

> SHE's not at her desk.

> She must be in the ladies' room.

>

>

> HE's not in the office.

> He's meeting with customers.

> SHE's not in the office.

> She must be out shopping.

>

>

>

> HE's having lunch with the boss.

> He's on his way up.

> SHE's having lunch with the boss.

> They must be having an affair.

>

>

> The boss criticized HIM.

> He'll improve his performance.

> The boss criticized HER.

> She'll be very upset.

>

>

> HE got an unfair deal.

> Did he get angry?

> SHE got an unfair deal.

> Did she cry?

>

>

> HE's getting married.

> He'll get more settled.

> SHE's getting married.

> She'll get pregnant and leave.

>

>

>

> HE's having a baby.

> He'll need a raise.

> SHE's having a baby.

> She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.

>

>

> HE's going on a business trip.

> It's good for his career.

> SHE's going on a business trip.

> What does her husband say?

>

>

> HE's leaving for a better job.

> He knows how to recognize a good opportunity.

> SHE's leaving for a better job.

> Women are not dependable.

TIME PASS !!!

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A.Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take four men to build it?

A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?

A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple ?

A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?

A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?

A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?

A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

Q: what is the opposite of Nagpanchmi?

A: Nag did not punch me

**** RAKSHA BANDHAN ****

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Meaning

Raksha Bandhan is all about ‘bond of love and protection’. ‘Raksha’ means protection, ‘bandhan’ means obliged or bind. Thus the Rakhi Festival flourishes the love, care, affection and the sacred feeling of brotherhood.

Rakhi in ancient times -

Karnavati and Humayun When Queen Karnavati of Chittor was threatened by the Sultan of Gujarat, she sent a rakhi to Mughal Emperor Humayun asking for his help. Humayun, who was busy in Bengal at that time, rushed for her rescue, giving full respect to rakhi tradition. But alas, before he could reach Chittor, the state had to face devastation. Queen Karnavati had done jauhar (act of self-immolation).

A Mahabharata Tale Before the battle of Mahabharata, Lord Krishna told Yudhisthir, elder Pandava brother, to perform rakhi ceremony which would act as a shield for him and his army. Draupadi, wife of the Pandavas, tied a thread on Lord Krishna’s wrist, seeking his blessings for her husbands.


Rakhi in modern times-
It's a weapon, even more powerful than the nuclear weapon, which can destroy the male sex completely without even a blink of an eye!!!! This day atleast is safe for the fairer sex to move around freely without the fear of being teased around by all the ADAMS!!

I rem'm an incident which occured around 7-8 yrs back, i n my cousin sis were roaming in a mall and contrary to the custom of EVE TEASING ,we were surprised as to y not even a single guy was teasing us.........on the way bac home we got to know the reason- our brothers were bashing up all those guys who were even looking at us..... Moral of the story is ,if u want to visit ur boyfriend don't do the mistake of taking ur brothers along.... JUST JOKING, actually brothers are our protectors. They may be overly possessive,but we still love them. For all my brothers, LOVE u all and MISS u !!!!!!


This year the Raksha Bandhan is on Tuesday, the 28th of August.
Raksha Bandhan in 2008 is on Saturday, the 16th of August.
Raksha Bandhan in 2009 is on Wednesday, the 5th of August.
Raksha Bandhan in 2010 is on Tuesday, the 24th of August.

## I # ME # MYSELF##

To ARIES - MIRACLES ARE DIME A DOZEN.If you run out HELL make some more!!!!!!
An ARIES girl wants to be a leader in love affair. " I was the first to propose ." Her loyalty in love is gigantic as long as you keep sentiments alive.She must be proud of you to love you. "When she's hurt she turns from fire to ice."
As fiercely possessive as she is of you she will not put up with your possessiveness of her for an instant- Ask my husband how jealous i get.

She does everything vehemently - when she's miserable - u should be miserable. When she's happy - u should be happy

As a wife she'll be quite a handful -
she's a competent enough cook - I'm proud to say so!
She'll keep the house spanking clean, ATLEAST the part that shows - VERY TRUE
She'll sew on buttons,iron shirts too but she won't like it - EXACTLY
YOU"LL rarely find her complaining of illness , but when she's in pain she'll expect tons of sympathy.....I do crib for sympathy

In most cases, letting her handle the bank book would be unwise,but u can try if bank is game - I wonder if my husband has realised this fact coz i'm a true ARIAN, i just can't control the urge to spend- no no no .. not for myself - for the people i love... BUT then i've never understood the meaning of "SAVINGS".

ARIES women are unreasonably temperamental -
Ask my husband how he tolerates me!!!!

ARIES girl will help you find your lost illusions and she'll have fierce faith in all your dreams. YOU don't have??? Borrow from her, she has plenty to spare.


IF you believe in her just as much as she believes in you MIRACLES can happen
WEll both of us believe in each other so hope some miracle happens.
COULD IT BE ANOTHER ARIAN?????????




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*****REASON TO LIVE*****

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Sitting in Cafe Coffee Day, pondering over cold choco coffee shake, The Logo " A LOT CAN HAPPEN OVER COFFEE". THE rain falling on the ground, nostalgic smell that comes when the sky and earth meets , i get carried away.....

Everyone is in a rush to run around,run to acquire money. BUT have you ever wondered what for???????WHAT R U GOING TO DO WITH THIS MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!!!!
CAN U BUY HAPPINESS WITH IT???
CAN U BUY TIME WITH IT??
CAN YOU BRING YOUR LOVED ONE'S BACK WITH IT??
Take out some time for ur spouses, kids pets,going for a small drive, having puchka in roadside corner,drenching in the rain........could turn out to be the happiest moments of ur life. Money can never bring happiness. it can only fulfill the material things that u lust.
ENJOY THE HAPPINESS IN THESE SMALL THINGS WHILE IT LASTS.PEOPLE don't remain forever, they'll be gone before u realize it!!!!

TAKE CARE OF YOUR LOVED ONES
THEY MAY NOT STAY FOREVER.




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DARU SESSION

POPULAR DIALOGUES AFTER DARU SESSION!!!!!

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1.u know i'm not drunk!!!!!
2.Gaddi mai chalaunga.
3.Tu bura Na manni yaar.
4.Tainu ki lagda mainu charh gai!!
5.Jo marji kahi jao, par tu bhai hain apna.
6.Tu dus taan sahi tainu ki chahida, main hune leya k dinna.....
7.Ajj teri gall pakki kara deni aa ohde nal, mainu fone number de ohda....
8.Yaar aaj pii k ohde bahut yaad aagi!!!!

FOODIES

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FOOD LOVERS-must be everywhere.how can anyone dislike food...girls nowadays are all health conscious,don't eat food thinking they'll get fat!!!! Iknow a girl she's just gone to 10th standard and is so figure conscious that she has stopped eating food thinking that every morsel she puts in her mouth might turn into fat cells.coz of this she's suffering frm hormonal problems...she's so thin that u can count her bones, infact i can suggest her as a substitute for skeleton in biology lab..

Guys how can you like such girls,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gone are the days when girls had beautiful curvaceous body.Everybody has become so figure conscious that they've forgotten to enjoy life.Come on u've got just one life to enjoy, how can you ignore the KFC ZINGER CHICKEN BURGER,lip smacking KATHI ROLLS, BUTTER CHICKEN,MISHTI DOI,HYDERABADI BIRYANI,DAL MAKHANI withLACHCHA PARANTHA,LUCKHNOWI KABABS.Every place in INDIA has delicacies to offer.EAT AND LET EAT.!!!!!

WOW seeing all these things i hv started feeling hungry,we eat when were happy or sad or depressed or hungry or without any reason...
You must be thinking that i'm a food maniac,well nooooo that is not the case but i would definitely prefer spending time in isolation with TANDOORI CHICKEN rather than a guy who is obsessed by his looks
.
We need to keep a check on the flabs ,which does not indicate that we stop eating,but woud'nt it be SEXY to show off curves at right places.So, to be Sexy,enjoy food,yummmm How about a Burger!!!!!!!!

SHERRY - ein liebling !!!!!!!!!!!

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My dog is a loveable,mischevieous and a pain in the ass character.she's a golden labrador. it was a gift for me from my husband,a very lovely thought from his side as i love dogs,but on a serious note it could be meant to keep me busy,coz he was working longer hours.You know dogs can bring you such undefined happiness that can't be bought, but on the other hand they are a pain in ur ass ,Coz they won't let you rest, every two minutes she leaks, then she's hungry and then again she leaks.

Her name is Sherry,yeah she's a female.You know how females are, cranky, irritable,impatient and a pampered lot who have a way of getting what they desire. just try to refuse her something she desires and a looooooong line of argument will follow ending up in her sitting exactly in front of you Frowning and staring at you from underneathher eye lashes which will definitely end up giving you indigestion..

There are so many accsesory items available for dogs- shampoos, biscuits, toothpaste,hair brush,name tags etc.but have you wondered that you may get your biscuits for at hardly ten bucks, but dog biscuits can cost you around 50 bucks.Her air ticket costs more than mine!!!!.

She likes to sit on chairs,loves cakes, has teddybears ,is coochee cooed by all , gets to sleep on my father's lap,is the darling of the family. Inspite of this people say it's a dog's life,WOW !!!! i would'nt mind changing places anyday.

Days in IIM

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Cool!!!!!!!
She's been to IIM!! Before you start wondering.....well i'm not those intellectual types. I was there as a supporter or on a serious note a liability for my husband who had lost his rights for bird watching.
Well the institutes a cooool place (sexy guys!!!)Most of the day i used to be spending in IIM, coz there were lots of power cuts at home & where else can u find an air-conditioned place with 24hr access to free internet!!!
There are lots of ponds here each separated by a narrow road. It's been raining cats n dogs since last night and the level of H2O has risen so much that it's submerged the road,everyone walking on the road is a sight to be witnessed, with their jeans folded till their knees, chappals in one hand and umbrella in another...
another few hours and the scenario will b such that army rescue operation will b required.
It has turned into Venice, where u'll see everyone swimming across. I had read about Global warming where by the year 2020, mumbai will be partially submerged in sea, yesterday i saw the movie "DAY AFTER TOMMORROW", i got a brainstorm what if it is already happening,shucks!!!!!!!! i know swimming is good for health buttttt i'm not so health conscious.Can u imagine u're desperately in need to go to loo and u have to swim across.........uughhh!!
well so long for now, till i get some bright ideas to conquerr this problem..